LONG LIVE CHIVALRY

How often are we, women, treated to a chivalrous display?

Not too long ago, I got to see a blatant example of a man lacking any chivalry and it really struck a chord with me. Irked for days afterwards, I wonder if I am being oversensitive, or expecting too much from a mutual acquaintance (though close enough to be offered Facebook 'friend' status -- only beef his numbers, no doubt).

As I was balancing a kid on my hip, juggling a large kid-prepared bag at my elbow and holding my other small child's hand, I ran into this guy en route to a restaurant. Not 20 feet in front of me, he made enough eye contact to be recognized, but turned without acknowledgment. I called out hello as it was such an awkwardly obvious realization we knew each other. Barely showing a wave, he continued walking towards the restaurant with his buddy and slipped inside without another word. Maybe he worried he wouldn't get a seat before me, or maybe he was uncomfortable with the idea of talking to a bogged down mom, but there are a dozen of similar men who would have had the decency to stop to say hello, offer a hand, or would have even stopped at the restaurant door to hold it open for me and the kids! Strangers even do that!

It makes one wonder at the strike-outs he seems to have with the ladies.

I might be spoiled as my husband has been such a solid man, showing signs of courtesy and respect since the day I met him. Among other things, he impressed me by such things as holding open doors at restaurants and actually waiting for me to be inside a car before he closed my door. He taught me about the male interest to walk on the street side of the sidewalk in an old-fashioned display of protection. These were manners that I had never seen displayed before. And since, I've held men to a higher expectation. I have found that generally speaking many men do follow an unspoken code of conduct around women and as medieval as it might seem to some, it's quite an unrealized sign of respect and consideration for the opposite sex.

There have been countless times that men, whether they be friends, strangers or something in between, have gone out of their way to be kind. Holding doors at the grocery store, allowing me and my crying child to move ahead in a line. There have been strangers asking to assist my stroller into the back of my SUV!

A fond moment of consideration happened when I taking my daughter into the grocery store and pushing her and the cart to a manual opening door. I didn't realize it at the moment that I was going to have to hold the door open myself in order to wedge the cart through, but figured I would manage. Us moms have dealt with worse. Behind me came a hurried middle age man who was clearly in a negative mood and trying to make his way around me. I stepped aside to let him pass and as a force of habit, he held the door open just enough for me to grab it myself (as we all do for the next person coming through...). As I attempted to grab the door, he realized how I was going to attempt to push the cart through and grumbled "Oh man, you're going to try and do THAT?" I thanked him and told him that I would be fine, but he insisted on helping me through before quickly racing off to his task - grumbling the whole way! If he was really in that big a hurry, why stop? If he was really that hacked off at my situation, why bother helping? The only thing I can think is the need to be manly and chivalrous, regardless of the situation. I think kindly of that stranger, though he was clearly annoyed with me.

Don't take me the wrong way, I'm not a damsel in distress. Rarely do I actually take anyone up on an offer that extends past the opening of a door. As I am embarking on raising a boy to be a man, I intend to make some things very clear about consideration, respect and courtesy. Obviously something that fell on deaf ears in the case of my "friend" from the restaurant...