SPEAKING OF FATHERS

Today is Father's Day. Congrats and happiness to all the good ones.

This day is a tad bittersweet in my life. Of course I have an amazing partner who has been the world's greatest dad that any kid would hope to grow up with. It's just a tad sad when I'm stuck thinking about how neither Husband or I have any relationship with our own fathers. Husband's working, so of course I get stuck over thinking the dramatic side-effects that this lack of grandfatherdom will have on our kids.

Nothing overly dramatic or hurtful played a role in the reasons we each, separately, chose to sever the intimate ties of a fatherly relationship. My reasons for abandoning the father-daughter relationship had less to do with the relationship and more to do with the lack thereof. I got to the point of wondering why I spent so much time and energy in trying to cultivate a love and appreciation that was neither respected, or reciprocated. In the end, I chose to cut all ties with my father and sadly, though possibly necessarily, it seems permanent.

I only get down about it when forced to think about it on days like today. Days that center around the very being we grow from. The one who plays king-of-the-castle and who brings-home-the-bacon. The one who threatens our future high school prom date and smokes cigars with our future husband. The one who protects and guards you from all things hurtful and who lifts your self-esteem and confidence when you can't find it. Or at least he should have done all these things.

I was terrified when I first learned I was having a girl. Not that I had reason to doubt Husband's father-daughter skills, but I knew the price she might later pay if he fell short. I foolishly doubted a man who is more father than many I know put together. Some men rise to the challenge and embrace the very idea of raising children. Others, not so much.

As I think about what it will be like for my kids to not know a grandfather, I wonder about the true impact. My Husband had a very tight bond with his grandfather, we even named our son for him. I recently lost my own grandfather and felt a hole I didn't realize existed. But will you miss it if you didn't know it was there? My father has never seen my kids, or to my knowledge knows anything about them. The same is true for them of him.

On this day dedicated to fathers, I hope you cherish the good ones. The world could use a whole lot more of them.

Happy Father's Day, everyday, to the man I adore.