JESUS & ICE CREAM

We are a church-going family. As much as is realistic now that we've finally settled into a new congregation after 4 years of commuting 40 minutes away every Sunday morning. (I won't even talk about the lunch-time commute home with 2 hungry, tired kids. Nightmare.) So as we're all getting accustomed to a consistent dose of bible teaching, my daughter is pulling out some big guns and asking questions I'm not prepared to answer.

The other night after books, songs and prayer, Sis tells me she loves Jesus. Except she tells me in a way that is asking for reassurance. Of course I give it to her, not knowing what I'm in store for. Our talk about loving Jesus tumbles into how He puts love in our hearts, helps us to do the right things, and makes us a good person. Then she asks how we talk to Jesus, how does He hear us, and why can't we hear Him. THEN she asks where He is, what is heaven and how do we get there! THEN! she continues (rapid fire now) to ask me about heaven, does it take "as long as the farm to get there" and how old are you when you get to go. More questions about what we look like when we die and if we'll be able to recognize each other.

Finally, as I've struggled to answer these questions the best I could without getting into an adult conversation with my child, she goes quiet and contemplative. Then upset. She worries that she won't get to see me and hear me when I go to heaven and although I try to convince and reassure her that 1) she doesn't have to worry about this for a VERY long time, but 2) she'll always hear me in her heart and mind, she tells me she won't be able to hear my "pretty singing".

I'm already fighting back the welling of tears when she drops the big one. She asks me, "Mom, if I don't love Jesus anymore, can I stay here with you, Daddy and Buddy?" Did I mention that she's four?

My head is still spinning from this rapid progression of large-concept questioning. A child cannot fully understand the concepts and idea of faith and religion, nor should they feel the burden of worry and fear over these major theoretical ideas. But she has so many questions and is clearly thinking.

As I unsuccessfully tried to change the subject after clearly not giving her the concrete answers she was looking for, our conversation ended something like this:

Me: "Sis, heaven is so great, you can eat all the ice cream you want."
Her: "But Mom, we get sick if we eat too much ice cream."
Me: "Ok, you're right we would. But not in heaven. Heaven is so great that you can eat all the ice cream you want and still not get sick."
Her: "Oh. So is heaven magic?"
Me: (thinking...thinking) "Yes Sis, it is."

The topic hasn't come up in the past 2 days since, but I'm anxious and concerned. I hardly know how to tell her the right things with the right amount of detail. As adults, even faithful ones, we don't know what heaven really is, or what it looks like. We don't know what's in store for us, after. Maybe it does take as long to get to heaven as it does to drive to the farm - 6 hours away. I don't know. How can I? I just believe. I choose to believe.

What I do know is that I pray harder and longer for my kids. I pray that they'll understand in their own terms and that He will give them comfort. And I pray that there is ice cream in heaven.