Sticks and stones can break your bones... We can recite this line in our sleep, we've heard it so many times. ...Words will never hurt us. Yeah, that was a major lie.
As my kindergarten daughter comes home with sad eyes and tells me about how kids express dislike for her shirt or how a boy told her he "doesn't know" if he wants to be her friend, I'm at a bit of a loss for the right words to give her. I tell her to remember her own sense of style, I tell her that if she is nice to people then she will have many friends. What else can I say? The truth is, the impact of words never changes - no matter how old you are.
As we are ever more dependant on texting, blogging, tweeting and the works, it seems that words are more hazardous than ever before. With so many ways to get the word out, how can it not be? And with so many unseen faces and ways to remain unknown, words can be daggers. A minefield of hurt that our kids haven't even had to fathom yet.
I've been the recipient of harsh words on articles I've written. I've been told I should never have had kids for being so selfish. I've been told that I must have had a miserable childhood based on a "girl-power" article (yeah, still scratching my head on that one). I've been told to f-off, I've been told to go away. I've been told that I have issues, that I'm mean.
Sadly, these words did and still do hurt. They hit that button of vulnerability that we all fight to shield from view. As children, we don't quite feel the true impact. When you're 5 and a 5-year-old tells you it would be best if you went away, its generally water off a duck's back - after the tears have dried. And if it is hurtful, it lasts a day or so until childlike distraction blows it in the wind.
If you are an adult and get told you should go away, the very literal rawness would take your breath away. And still produce a few tears. As adults, we know better and we know the strength of our words. We know how words are used to convey emotion and power. We become skilled at using them sparingly and appropriately to get the desired response. We use these words to make a point, and to ensure the point sticks.
Similarly, calling your friends bitches or telling a guy to f*** off may seem funny or harmlessly expressive when you are 17. But at 30-something, it's a stinging insult guaranteed to get a second look and a mind full of anxiety over why and who would say such a thing. We are adults, after all. Though adults have the problem solving skills to forgive and explain, it doesn't hurt less.
Words can do good as well, but sadly, the good words are more quickly forgotten than the ugly ones. We remember all the bad things someone has said about us, but rarely remember any of the good ones. (Or we remember the good ones and the sharp contrast against the bad ones - as in "how could things have changed so drastically" or "what did I do?" or "...but he said he loved me!")
I don't hate words, how would that even be possible? They are all around us, and they help us and inspire us and keep us laughing. Words can be therapeutic and positively honest. I take to writing here as a form of therapy and to express my inner self under a fake veil of anonymity. (Over half of my readers actually KNOW me.) It's just the bad words giving the whole bunch a bad wrap.
So as I help my child to chart the waters of peers and pressures and thoughtless words, I realize that I have very few gems of wisdom on the subject. Hard words suck, no matter how old you are. Whether they are intentional or not, whether they are helpful or not, and whether they are honest or not. It's just one of life's truths. Anyone who tells you otherwise isn't human.
Maybe I'll tell her that.
You nailed it!
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