TRIPPING ON GUILT

Nothing makes you feel worse than not being there for your child. Today's parenting performance will not be winning me any awards.

Daughter ended up sick at preschool today, weeping and asking for Mommy. The same Mommy who, in her hurried rush to get Daughter to school this morning, forgot her cell phone. The same Mommy who, without her phone, did not get the teachers message about Hannah needing to be picked up for feeling sick and possibly feverish. The same Mommy who was busy running errands for the stupid holiday bazaar that has me so preoccupied. Sigh. Not my finest moment.

Why, against my better parenting judgement did I even bring Daughter to school today? She told me she was feeling good. But she's 4. She seemed to be acting herself, but she did wake up in the night with "knee pains". She had a stuffy nose, but no other obvious symptoms. It's cold & flu season for goodness sake, what was I thinking?!

So on top of the disappointment of her teachers, my husband ("you never answer you phone") and myself, I have Daughter asking me why I didn't come get her. When I prompted her about her feelings and tough day in class, she simply replied in her sincerest tone, that she "didn't like the new songs in class when it's raining and doesn't feel good."

Wracking my brain to try and understand the full extent of this "sickness", I ask her what would make her feel better. She tells me she just wants to lay on the sofa with me and a blanket and watch movies. I negotiate a nap first to which she further replies, "deal." This coming from a child who gave up napping altogether nearly 2 years ago.

And that, my friends, was the twist of the knife in my heart. Big, big lesson learned today.