WE'RE ALL CRAZY

"If we didn't laugh, we'd all go insane." -Jimmy Buffett

Sometimes, we feel crazy. Sometimes we are. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's not.

Lately, I'm feeling like a real-life Eeyore with a constant gray cloud over my head. It's been no secret that I flippin' hate this gray and cold weather -- always a miracle that I still live and actually like Seattle -- and it's also been no secret that I struggle on a day to day basis with what was originally diagnosed with post partum depression (PPD) a little over 5 years ago. With the help of good friends and good meds, I've typically been able to keep it all together, though some days are more successful than others.

Sadly, my brain seems to have outgrown my management and I now find myself looking for more answers. In what has become an almost unrecognizable self, my moods are less stable and I find myself wondering how I can be this person.

I used to fight the fact that I couldn't function without a little blue Zoloft. I still would prefer to not need it. However, in my frankness with other women about the need and usage for such a valuable drug, I find I'm less and less alone. This in itself is a feeling of success and brightness. We spend so much time trying to prove that we are strong and mighty. That we can do anything, be anything, that we hide the reality of ourselves, further perpetuating the myth of Mom being Superwoman.

Thankful for supportive family and a husband who refuses to give up on me (though lesser men would have thrown in the towel years back), I find myself, yet again, jumping through hoops, from one referral to another trying to seek out more answers.

Mental health is a fascinating and mysterious subject and as I delve deeper and deeper into symptoms, disorders and realities of stigma, I realize we might all have a little crazy inside. Similar to your child's symptoms of runny nose and fever being a sign of everything from teething to meningitis, common symptoms defining mental disorders can identify everything from a bad day to bi-polar to worse.

It's information overload to be sure. The internet looms with tales of horrific realities. It's best to search with your eyes closed. As if it weren't enough to want a simple, tidy, boxed solution, the range of disorder and distruptiveness comes with a range as vast as the Grand Canyon. Depression can be life ending, or merely a speed bump. Bi-Polar can be a commitible offense, or a series of ill-timed shopping sprees. We can be "a little bit crazy" or "mostly sane". We can be medically managed or holistically helped. Some of us can be remedied with a steady routine, a good work out plan and some extra vitamins.

What defines one person's crazy from another isn't labels like PPD or Bi-Polar, it's the actions and reactions involved with day-to-day living. No different than popping tylenol to make a headache go away, we pop Zoloft to make the dark day go away.

So as I continue to seek a normalcy and fight the stigma of PPD, depression, anxiety and all the other goodies that go along with mental illness, I encourage all to do the same. Help our mothers and fathers and friends and siblings to seek answers when the sun stops shining in their days.

Afterall, you might be a little crazy too.